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Five Potential Gifts Cardinals Fans Really Don't Need To Own, Courtesy Of MLB Shop Online

All across the metro area this Christmas, even after one of the team's toughest seasons in recent memory, countless Cardinals fans will open gifts in some form or fashion connected to the team and the game. One of the joys of fandom is expressing devotion through swag and memorabilia, and if nothing else, tickets can make a reliable standby?

But what should you buy for the Cardinals fan in your life for whom you don't really want to buy a gift at all but feel obligated to regardless? What are the items that no one anywhere needs to own, and why are they still kept in stock? Here are a few suggestions taken directly from the official MLB Shop online, operated by Fanatics, a company for whom there is a devoted, passionate, and highly active social media following tracking its many errors.

Carlos Martínez Autographed Baseball – $99.99

Since running out the clock on his Cardinals contract in 2021, Martínez has bombed out of two separate minor league deals, been handed suspensions for both performance enhancing substance use and domestic violence, and put up passable results in various winter leagues. That'll be a hundred bucks.

The item's description does say the ball was verified through the MLB authentication process, so you will have some reliable proof that you own a truly nuclear piece of non-history. Balls in seemingly identical condition are for sale on eBay at approximately 20% of the price, but they don't have a fancy hologram sticker.

When combining price point, relevance, and market potential, this is a rotten egg of a present that not even the most nostalgic Pop's bouncer could enjoy.

Tyler O'Neill Framed 15" x 17" Stitched Stars Collage – $49.99

Prior to the 2019 season, O'Neill switched his jersey number from 41 to 27. He then promptly put up a top ten finish in the MVP race and looked like he would join Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt to form the most fearsome heart of a National League order for years to come. Then a few other things happened, and now he's in Boston.

The artisans behind this plaque, though, slapped a big stitched 41 on the design, and surrounded it with photos of O'Neill wearing the same number. That suggests that this item has been sitting in a warehouse (don't worry, it's not autographed, so no fade risk) for at least four and a half years. Presumably it comes with an authentic patina.

Unfortunately, despite the back stock, Fanatics warns that this item may not ship for 11 business days. Considering the holiday calendar, there's an outside chance it will arrive in time for Winter Warm-Up where O'Neill will not be available to sign it, because again, Red Sock.

Rawlings Black Leather Baseball – $39.99

Baseballs are famously not black, owing to a need for them to be visible. This item does not carry any Cardinals branding at all, but if you would like to purchase it for someone who can beg a player to sign it with a gold paint pen, the universal signal for autograph scalper, then I suppose that is your prerogative.

However, the photograph of the ball on the website used in detail does have an indiscernible autograph scrawled in just that style on the ball's sweet spot. The official description insists the ball does not come autographed, but it seems hard to be sure.

As a reminder, this product has nothing to do with the Cardinals whatsoever. Not even a stamp.

32 GB Peanuts Design Credit Card USB Drive with Bottle Opener – $32.99

The peanuts relevant to the design template have nothing to do with Snoopy. It is instead merely a backdrop of uncanny valley-style legumes, floating in a vast nothingness.

An attempt to price compare other 32 GB flash drives proved challenging, as flash drives are almost universally made in capacities far exceeding 32 GB in 2023. Amazon did offer for sale a 10-pack of 32 GB flash drives for $12 less.

Also, are flash drives meant to be crammed into a wallet? Is it a good idea to sit on a flash drive? Somewhat delicate electronics are supposed to be submitted constantly to humidity from leather and the weight of a human body, right?

There is simply no explanation for why a bottle opener would need to be USB compatible.

Men's New Era Yellow/Black Grilled 59FIFTY Fitted Hat – $43.99

This is a very stupid hat, and for some reason, it has the 2009 All-Star Game patch on the side. Don't buy this hat. It's ugly, and people will make fun of you. Buy literally almost any other hat instead (not the adjustable one with the STL logo laid over a Union Jack).

If you choose to give or receive any of these items, it belongs only to your own folly. Still, even so, the exchange might present an opportunity for a warm and joyous holiday season to all who still find connection in their beloved game.

'Use It As Toilet Paper': 49ers Fan Ends Up With Seahawks Jersey In Mix-up Ahead Of Rival Game

SAN FRANCISCO (KGO) -- We are just days away from the San Francisco 49ers taking on their rival Seattle Seahawks.

A couple of fans got quite a surprise though when they ordered a Niners jersey and something far from that showed up.

Matt Quinn and Paul Kemp are two lifelong football buddies. Kemp ordered Quinn, who is a die-hard 49ers fan, a custom-made 195-dollar Niners jersey from Fanatics for his early Christmas present.

"So it finally comes, I get to work and then it's there at my desk and I open it, I'm pretty excited. I'm like alright, cool so I open it up and I'm like okay and I'm expecting it to be scarlet red and this is what I'm looking at okay. This is exactly what I'm looking at," said Kemp as he held up a Seattle Seahawks jersey.

VIDEO: This couples' Seahawks-49ers rivalry bets have really escalated

Thanksgiving's 49ers whooping of the Seahawks was painful for one particular Seattle fan, who lost a bet to his wife.

The Seattle Seahawks are one of the 49ers' main rivals and the team they happen to be playing on Sunday.

"I think the reason I laugh is because if you're a die-hard Niners fan you wouldn't be caught dead with a jersey like that," said ABC7 News Reporter J.R. Stone.

"Oh yeah he told me, 'Send it to me I'm going to use it as toilet paper!'" responded Kemp.

"I probably have a collection of 75 jerseys, I've never had a Seahawks jersey sent to me," said Quinn. "First time ever getting a custom Seahawks jersey, biggest trolling you could possibly do in history basically. For any 49ers fan that's about the worst thing you could send them!"

Even the label on the package said "San Francisco 49ers Mens Team Color Scarlet," yet there was a Seahawks jersey.

Quinn posted about what happened on social media and other 49ers fans came forward, along with Rams fans saying they have received unwanted Seahawks jerseys too.

VIDEO: 49ers' Arik Armstead hosts career camp for students at SJ-based company Shoe Palace

Students toured Shoe Palace as a part of defensive lineman Arik Armstead's Stay Hungry Career Camp, which exposes teens to different career pathways.

A Fanatics representative issued this statement:

"This fan had his jersey accidentally switched with a different customized jersey during packaging at our warehouse. Once we learned of the issue, we immediately reached out to the fan to make this right and will ensure he gets the correct product ASAP."

Quinn and Kemp are now left wondering if there is a Seahawks fan at the warehouse or if this truly was a mistake.

The Seahawks jersey was shipped from a warehouse in Las Vegas but Quinn says he was initially curious if it was being shipped from Seattle, or if Fanatics is based there, which it is not.

"I was wondering if it was a Pac-Northwest company myself. My uncle that lives in Seattle laughed his ass off about it so. He got a kick out of it. Pretty much all my friends were like we know you ordered this as a joke, knowing I'm a die-hard Niners fan," said Quinn.

Fanatics, who initially told Kemp they would send him a free return shipping label, ended up fully refunding the jersey a day after we reached out to them about this. Kemp then ordered another jersey for Quinn on 49ers.Com, which he later learned is run by Fanatics.

If you're on the ABC7 News app, click here to watch live

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Paris Saint-Germain Opens First Canada Flagship In Partnership With Lids

French football (soccer to us Americans) club Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) has opened its first flagship store in Canada as part of its long-term partnership with Lids and Fanatics.

The new official Club store is located on Queen Street in Toronto and follows the successful opening of the Fanatics- and Lids-operated PSG standalone store in Los Angeles in 2021, flagship store openings in New York and Europe in 2022, and Miami and Las Vegas locations that opened earlier this year. The Toronto store is PSG's 4th in North America and 14th worldwide, including locations in France, London, Seoul, Tokyo and Doha.

As part of the football club's long-term partnership with Fanatics, Lids oversees the operations for all PSG stores. The 1,952-square-foot Toronto location features an assortment of team jerseys, headwear, accessories, a full range of Nike and Jordan teamwear, one-of-a-kind collaborations and exclusive Paris Saint-Germain designs. The store also includes Lids' signature Customization Station to allow fans to personalize their PSG gear on-site.

"We are excited to expand our successful partnership with PSG and connect with Canadian consumers in the beautiful city of Toronto," said Lawrence Berger, Co-founder and Partner at Ames Watson, owner of Lids, in a statement. "Our latest store will include staples that fans and fashion enthusiasts enjoy, including licensed local team apparel, along with other exciting features that we know will be loved by all who visit."

To celebrate the opening, the store is featuring an exclusive capsule collection created in collaboration with the Canadian concept store Better Gift Shop. The drop includes an exclusive line of clothing and a limited-edition jersey.

"Creating a connection between the City of Light and the Queen City by opening this 14th official PSG boutique in the heart of Toronto is another contribution to the construction of our global brand and also a way to thank our fans in Canadian territory," said Fabien Allègre, Chief Brand Officer at Paris Saint-Germain in a statement. "We hope to capture the heart of Toronto, spread the magic of football to every corner of Ontario, and that this store will be a symbol of a shared adventure where Parisian dreams meet Toronto's energy."

Toward that goal, PSG also will engage with the local community through a partnership with the Play Forever Association, which organizes sports programs for Toronto youth. The Paris Saint-Germain and Play Forever partnership will kick off with a holiday event: local kids will be invited to visit the store to receive a free gift. Next year, PSG will fly in expert coaches from PSG Academy to train local coaches and offer Toronto youngsters dedicated football camps. The partners also are planning a program that will allow girls participating in the "Allez Les Filles (Go Girls)" initiative in the Parisian suburbs to meet with their counterparts in Toronto.

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